So, how much can I use for my bankroll?

My wife didn't like this question. go figure, right?

I was half-joking. I wanted to put some money back onto online poker, but she is completely against it. She however, doesn't mind if I play live poker though. The bad thing about that though is I actually have to go somewhere to do it and a bankroll would be much higher for that. Would need less buy ins, but still higher. I guess it'll be more of a play as we have the money type thing at first. I think what I'll do is when I win, I'll keep the money to the side and build a bankroll through that. I really don't want to just play to play. I'd rather treat it like I treated online poker when I did it part time. Just keep building the bankroll up. I wont need the money so it shouldn't be a problem. It would be awesome to make enough to where I could use it to build a business. Honestly, that would be my goal. I just feel like yes, we are going to be comfortable and finally have enough money for everything we need, but how long is that going to last?

Even with my wife making almost 12k a year from disability, that only puts our income at 38k for the year. Yes, people live off that and they can live off of that their whole lives, but what's wrong with wanting more? Also, we want to have children, it would be nice to be in a state of comfortability when that starts happening. So, if I can build up a side income, then use it to invest in a business for myself that would make us more money in the future, that is ideal. I'm not sure what that business is. Also, there's no guarantee that I will be a GM for that long. They like to rotate GMs in this company like a ferris wheel. I know so many people who were former gms or became GMs at other stores. right now I don't feel like my job is in jeopardy, but all it takes is a young up and comer that they think can do a better job or a bad couple months in sales for me to be demoted or moved.

I have been a little down lately because of my job. I feel like there is a constantly decreasing allowances that we are being given and it's taking some of the joy out of it. There is constant pressure to perform and while that's not a bad thing, it is when you go to perform and they tell you NO, you can't do this or that. It's really taxing. I don't want to work for this company for more than a few years. I initially wanted to move up but, seeing what the District manager's actually do, I think I would hate that job. They don't do anything. They are middle men. They do paperwork, they answer to dumb questions from the higher ups, and they tell the GMs what they need to work on. They in my opinion seem quite useless. I think if I were in that position I would probably end up in trouble for doing too much and not following the procedures that the bosses would want. I don't like asking for permission, I pretty much just do it then apologize later. It can get me in trouble sometimes, but whatever, I feel like it's my biggest asset. I don't need to be baby sat or watched. I do everything my self.

Regardless of this job though, it's not what I want to do with my life anyways. So, if poker can down the line provide what I want to do then that would be sweet. Now, obviously, I wont be able to go that often. I was thinking 6-8 hours a week at most, probably mostly in 1 day or session. That could be a little tough mentally if I start losing or catch a string of bad luck. I have to make sure I keep good records and that I only go when I really feel like playing. Seems like I've been through all of this before.

I think this time I'm more prepared and even though I'm excited about being able to do it, I know I wont get as involved this time. It will still be only every once in a while and it'll still be a nice release from daily stuff. I feel like I need the breaks more now than ever.

I think I may have noticed a trend with myself the other day. I've been a little down lately, as I already said and I think I figured out why. I definitely go through these stretches in my life where I'm up then I'm down, hardly ever just content. I think it's my personality. Well, I think it has to do with obsessing over something or not being able to obsess over something. I think when I get to fully integrate myself into something I'm happier. Then when I'm just kind of la-de-da about stuff and I don't have that 1 thing, I'm down. I look back on when I was engrossed in poker. I was fully into it and I didn't think about anything else, I was pretty happy. Now my home life sucked and in reality it was very bad for my relationships, but in itself it made me happy. Then when poker became an afterthought and I had nothing to focus on, I was sad and a bit depressed. I think a month or two ago I was pretty happy because I was fully engrossed in my job where as lately I haven't felt like doing much with it and so that's what I'm down about now. i don't really have something to focus on right now.

I'm certainly not done with my job. I'm not at the point with my job where I was with poker when I quit. I was mentally done there. I think I've just accepted that I have to quit trying so hard and I can't do the things I want to at the workplace. I feel like I'm just a manager as opposed to in the beginning where I was like, it's my store. It's not my store. But, it is my JOB to run it correctly and do the things they ask me to do. which is fine. I have to be okay with that. I think I am. hopefully it helps me keep that hunger that I need to do my own thing someday. It reminds me how much better it would be to be on my own. I'm still not ready to be on my own though and I know that as well. There are a lot of things about business I really just DONT know about.

I guess that should really be my next goal is just getting educated about the things I'm lacking so far. Whether it's through self teaching or taking some classes I gotta learn these things. I figure the more prepared I am the better chance I have at success. I guarantee you if I started a business today, I would probably fail, simply because I don't know enough. I wouldn't have the money to hire people to fill that gap, so it would solely be on me and hard work just isn't enough to overcome those things.

I do look forward to the challenge though. Hopefully, the timing will work out to where as I'm building my business the economy gets its shit together it'll be a little easier time than a lot of small businesses are having now.

I can't wait to eat some live fish though and it'll be fun building up that live poker bankroll.