Always "On Hold"

It's been 3 weeks since the disability hearing and still no word. Every day just feels like our life is on hold. My wife checks the mail everyday for the letter and I think everyday about when things are going to be able to move forward. I worry about my wife a lot. I feel like she has given up on her life. So many things are against her and I'm sure it's hard for her to imagine overcoming them. Adversity has many faces and all we can really do is make best with what we have.

The worst part though is let's say we do get disability... what then? Did that solve anything besides some financial problems? What happens after the money is gone or even while we have the money? Getting disability is not going to take the fact away that my wife has to deal with what she has to deal with every day, multiple times a day. Mentally she has to move on. Of course it's easy for me or anyone else to suggest that. I wish I could do it for her. Everyday gets a little harder.. for the both of us. At some point, unless she turns her thinking and attitude and life around... it's going to end. Either shes gonna commit suicide, like she thinks about constantly or I'm not going to be able to deal with living with a depressed, stuck on hold wife anymore. It's inevitable. One of us will break. Unfortunately, I'm afraid it will be her first and I would be left with a huge hole in my heart for a very long time. Things have to get better! But, I can't do it. I'm still here because I want to be... no one is making me.