O what a Night!

It was the table you always HEAR about. The Giant Fish story of poker tables. The kind of table that when described leaves its listeners amazed and full of envy. After hearing about the table one has to decide in his own heart whether the story was real or just another poker player's fantasy. Upon hearing this tale, you begin to wonder how it can be true when it has never happened to you. You shrug it off to poker player dementia and settle back in for your own grind, hoping, praying, wishing, that someday you can find that dream table. Someday you will be the one telling the story.


I'm hear to tell you that story!

It was a cold november night. The first sign of frost had appeared over the windows of the cars that inhabited the parking lot that resided outside my patio door. I was doing well, especially considering it was a Monday, a day that usually brings heartache and a lighter bankroll. Then, out of nowhere, something changed. I don't particularly recall why it happened or if someone new had joined the table, or maybe something in this particular person snapped. I found myself with 88 in the big blind. I was setting my gameplan as the players took their actions around the table. Would I reraise a single raiser? Would I just cold call and set mine? It folded around to the button, a player by the name Follow the Hawk, who proceeded to push all in. 50$ preflop raise into a .75$ pot. I was dumbfounded. My plan changed tremendously, and I hit the Fold button. Was this a misclick or just a crazy novice play? The next hand followed and once again the same player pushed all in. Hmm. Everyone folded again. Was this it? Was this the moment we all dream about? A real live one at the table, pushing any two cards at will? Next hand answered my question. Follow the Hawk pushed all in again, again no callers. Fasten you seat belts this could get bumpy. I was playing at a level that I shouldn't have been in hopes of making some quick easy money. To say I wasn't worried of this variance riddled situation, would be wrong. But, should I leave? If so I would pass up an opportunity that may never come around again. I chose to stay and I prayed that I would be the one to benefit from this sudden madness, Follow the Hawk had began to portray. I was dissapointed when a few hands later his 50$ was gone. Well, so much for that. But, wait... he rebought. Yes! Another chance. He lost again, then rebought again. Lost again then rebought again. Bolstering others stacks 50 virtual numbers at a time. Every once in awhile he would win. Only to turn around and pass it off to the next person that called his preflop madness. I was lucky enough to catch a few hands worthy of calling this craziness and so it justified my bankroll negligence. This went on for about half an hour, finally after donating over 500$, Follow the Hawk sat out. A series of "Noooooooooooooooooooo" 's filled the chat box not only from those at the table but, in greyed out text from the railbirds hoping to join in on the festivities. Just like that Follow the Hawk was gone. As I looked around the virtual table I noticed that everyone had benefitted from this Full Tilt Santa Claus. 1 person in particular sat there with 11 buy ins in his stack, undoubtedly smiling from ear to ear on the other side of the monitor. My stack was over 4x as big as it was when I first sat down. I took a breath for what seemed like the first time in an hour. It was like hearing the brakes at the end of a rollercoaster ride, a feeling of relief that you somehow got through it alive. What a ride.

Happy Thanksgiving

happy thanksgiving to all my readers. Hope you have a great holiday and enjoy your day off work (or ur 2 days). I think Thanksgiving is the best holiday. You get exactly what you expect every time, Football, Food, and a good nap. Christmas and birthdays you can be disapointed but not thanksgiving.

Been awhile

So, it's been awhile since my last post. Lately, there have been so much negativeness going on that it's hard to write. I get tired of every post being about how much life sucks. I definitely could've never been goth. Of course, over the past week some bad stuff has happened. No point in listing. I'm done with posting that stuff at least for now. But, I will mention I had 3 flat tires in 6 days. Anyways, I'm ready to just bust out of this slump. Poker hasn't been going great lately but, I also haven't played very much. I think I just needed sort of a semi break from poker. I'm ready to come back and I'm ready to fucking just own hardcore. I'm tired of feeling sorry for myself and my ever decreasing bankroll. When I started this blog I had 84$, right now Im at about 300$. I got pretty far with that 84$, so I should be able to get even further with almost 4 times that. So, this week I plan on playing a tremendous amount of 6.50$ turbo sngs on FTP. I figure about 67 a day will net be some nice bank and in less than a week I should be up to 12$ turbos. A week later I will be ready to crack 50NL. Hopefully, I catch fire right away and become fully bankrolled for it. So, by the end of this month I hope to be back at 50NL and ready to make a run at building my roll for full time play throughout december. By the end of December I want to be completely rolled for 50 NL, ready to take a shot at 100NL, and a grand in the shoebox in the closet. 6 weeks to pro. That's what I'm hoping for. Crazy? Yes. Impossible? NO. I want this more than anything else right now. I know I can do it.

Flamm is Back!

Almost Lover

This is probably the saddest song I've ever heard. I usually dont like redheads but the artist in this video, I think is absolutely beautiful and has a great voice. Hope you enjoy.

November Goals

Lets start setting some goals again, maybe that will help me get back on track.

Poker

-Get back involved with Pokerdynasty.net, I have been awol for awhile, time to remedy that.

-whether it's sngs or cash games, focus on playing good poker and making good decisions at all times, again.

-Get better at poker than I am at this moment.

-concentrate on THIS MOMENT rather than the way it was or the way I wish it were.

Life

-Get my apartment straightened up. Haven't finished unpacking yet.

-Get back to thinking and living positive, get rid of all negativity

-Again, focus on this moment, not what it was or what I wish it were.


Ill call this the Getting back on track plan. I can do it!

Doing a little better

So, I think I'm going through the acceptance stage of my most recent flood of emotions caused by current personal issues. It's so interesting to me how there is a subconscious order of emotions that all of us go through when something bad happens. The fact that we have no control over them is awesome, I think. Some people may consider that scary, but I don't. One issue the last few days though has been negativity. I seem to just pile things on when the going gets rough. Every little thing becomes a catastrophic event and it always leads my brain into a clusterfuck of hate. Of course it doesn't help that so many things keep happening. Seriously, every day is a new problem. But, I hate being that person that I used to be. I don't want to be a capsule of negativity. I've been trying over the last 8 months or so to be positive, and it seemed to be helping me have a better life. I'd really hate to let the last 2 months ruin all of it.

Poker has been going better. Until this weekend I had a 2 day winning streak, woohoo! But on Friday I decided I was going to go hardcore with the Full Tilt SNG Madness promotion they are running. I thought there was an overall leaderboard, but I misread it. My brother and I were tagteaming it. But, once we found out it wasn't overall, I kind of lost interest. The closest we got in any 4 hour period was 6th place. Between the two of us on Friday we probably played close to 300 sngs, and I just broke even, lol. Good rakeback though.

I've really gotten out of studying and doing the things that helped me build my bankroll. The thought of starting over is kind of depressing honestly. But, I keep trying to remind myself how much I've accomplished. I feel like Mike McD in Rounders, I can't seem to recall how I built my bankroll, but I remember how I lost it. At least, I didn't just give it back to the poker community though, I actually needed it for personal life and used it. That makes me feel better. 84$ was built into the $5000+ I've withdrawn. My bankroll is currently at 750$.