Oh No. 2 straight days

I lost more money today. I am distraught and ready to totally retool my game from scratch. I must be doing something wrong, right? I mean, really, people who are good at poker never lose 2 days in a row right? I must not be any good.

Wow. That is all utter bullshit (except the losing more money, i really did do that). But, what's sad is that is exactly how I used to think. In fact, I'd say that is exactly how a lot of people feel. You lose 5 buy ins and all of a sudden you know absolutely nothing about poker and you must've been lucky before to win anything. I can see how truly harmful and wrong these thoughts are now.

I know I am a good poker player. How do I know? Because, I am making decisions based upon the information I have and I am coming to logical conclusions. I don't fly by the seat of my pants and just click buttons on the screen. Yes, of course I'm wrong sometimes, but so what. Everybody is wrong sometimes. I learn from being wrong. That is how I know I am a good poker player. I lost today to set over set. We both got all in on the flop and he had a higher set. Did he have to have a higher set for him to go all in? Probably not. A set was, in my opinion, the highest of his hand range to get all his chips in. It just so happened, he had it this time. I lost with a set to a guy who flopped a flush. Did he have to have the flush to get all his chips in? No way. Again, a flush was at his highest hand range. In those hands, I did nothing wrong. But I still lost and got my money in with the worst hand. That's okay. I wouldn't have done anything differently. I can recognize that now. That's how I know I'm a good poker player.

Tomorrow I plan on posting my goals and plans for August. It will be an important post for me.

OMFG

Okay, that's it. I'm done with poker! I had a losing day. I lost..... 1 buyin! SHIT!!! WTF?!?! How can I possibly handle a downswing like that? Obviously, Full Tilt is rigged!

haha, just kidding. I actually did lose 1 buy in, though. I was cruising along to another 150$ win when I had crucial decisions and big hands at 3 of the 4 tables i was at. I happened to lose all 3 hands. Can't really remember what they entailed. But, it was super hectic for about 45 seconds and then I kind of tilted for another 45 seconds and spewed off some more money. I recovered though and made some money back to end my session 50$ down. I had a guy at my table with 50 VPIP 1 PFR (180 hands) and an aggression factor of 0.50 telling me how weak my game was. His exact words were "your game is weeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaakkkkkk." This all stemmed from me getting all in with the best hand and my opponent ending up drawing out on me. Obviously, I'm so weak. Then he made fun of me some more when I got all in with 2 pair and my opponent had trips. I obviously should'nt put all my money in with 2 pair, wtf am i thinking? LOL. It was quite funny though. I kept reloading and he's like "keep reloading." So, of course, since he was a calling station I eventually caught a hand against him and took almost all of his 46$. Fun times.

I had a 5 buy in stack at one table, that was a lot of fun. Feeling like no one could touch me at that table and I just kept putting people all in, playing power poker. It was really cool. I've never been that deep before at a table. I reraised a guy all in with 2 over cards and the nut flush draw on the flop and he called with top pair (88) 7 kicker no flush draw. He won the hand and then was like "gracias." The other guy at the table said something like "they have you figured out now." And I was like "Ya, they keep getting all their money in as a dog and sucking out on me." To which the 8s guy said, "dog?" I politely asked him to run that hand through a card calculator and then get back to me with the results, to which he replied, "what?" Nuff said, son. LOL i usually don't chat at all at the tables but for some reason I was in a chatting mood tonite. I, also, never defend myself because wtf is the point? I want them to continue thinking I'm a donk. But, I kind of defended myself without defending myself, so I thought it was okay. Overall I was happy with my play. The only thing that sucked was the 45 second tilt. I was happy with how I recovered from it though and how I was very aware of it's existence. Man, I'm scared to see how far my bb/100 dropped. I played about 900 hands and dropped 50$ so it might be down to like 20bb/100. GEESH! How can I possibly go on playing with a winrate of that?

A Look back on July

Alright, I'm at work and super bored so i'm going to write my July recap a few days early. So, let's look back on the July goals and see if I met them:

Poker Goals:
* Average 4 sngs or 400 hands a day: YES - I don't have exact number of hands/sngs cuz I switched computers in the middle of the month and had to restart my pokertracker. Since July 18th I have played over 8000 hands though.

*Find one hand to post - Yes for the most part, not everyday but I made a conscious effort to do this. I also responded to a lot of posts, so that helps me out as well.

*By the end of the month be a better poker player - YES, this is the biggest achievement, IMO. I feel like I am a much better player than I was when I began the month. Lots of play and study helped me achieve this.

Life goals:
* Survive the month- YES, somehow
* Pay Bills first - Yes, Bills got paid
* Don't be so hard on yourself, wife- Yes, but not as good as I would've like to have been.

HEY, what do you know? I met all my goals! First time probably in my life, definitely first time I've achieved them all since I started this blog.

My bankroll at the beginning of the month was 750$ Bankroll right now is 2059$ and if you add the 450$ I withdrew this month that makes a total of 1759$ in profit made at poker this month. Wow! Best month I've ever had. I also began playing 50NL this month so that is pretty cool. Looking over this month's posts it was a very up and down month. Not so much with my bankroll, which seemed to only go up but with life. A lot of emotions. Things are looking brighter for the Flamm's after this past month though, hopefully that trend continues. I will plan out and set up goals for August in a few days, maybe sooner, cuz I'm uber impatient. This month will be very important for me and my wife. I might need some Jordan Juice to get through it.

Bankroll is Over 2000$

Sixth sense is the greatest thing ever. 4 buy ins 3 from targeted donkeys through sixthsense. wow. My bankroll would be at about 2500$ if i hadn't taken out 450$ over the last 2 weeks,but whatever. It's finally past the 2000$ mark, I'm so happy!

Another great day!

Man, poker is easy. I made 150$ today. I ran really good today though. Even though I lost with AA again. But, the guy was an idiot and didn't play his trips correctly so I lost less than I should have, so I guess you could add that to my list of running good. I ran into AA with QQ but a 5 card straight gave me my money back. I went all in with a pair and nut flush draw with a guy who already made his flush and I hit. I hit trips against KK. Ya, like I said poker is easy. Some things I am getting better at though is recognizing when a person has me beat and laying down something like top pair good kicker and also, before I had a tendency to just call raises on the flop with no real plan on what I was going to do. I've stopped doing that. I commit them to a range and proceed from there. I no longer just call and see what happens on turn. If I think I should fold, I just fold. No reason to bleed off money. I just feel like I play so much better lately than I ever have. Everything seems so clear and I seem to be making good choices. I've been waiting for this moment for a long time and now that it's here I just want to relish it and bask in it. It's like the glow.

"Who's the master?"
"Who's the master?"

I am.

Had to withdraw some money

Well, I had to withdraw 200$ from my bankroll. I got my cats fixed yesterday and that took away my gas money for the next 2 weeks. I considered not getting the cats fixed but, we would have to do it eventually anyways if we are gonna move into an apartment. I had an apointment set for 2 months so, likely wouldn't be able to get another appointment in before we move. Bankroll is at 1600$ now. I played about 800 hands yesterday and remember that whole, running good thing? Well, yesterday was terrible for me. 1 hand i flopped the nut club flush got a guy to move all in on me on the flop he shows 55 with the 5 of clubs, comes runner runner 22 to make 222 on board and he won with a full house. LOL. I also lost with AA again. Lost with 10 10 10 to runner runner straight cards. But, what's funny is somehow i finished the session up 7$. I avoided some tough spots where i felt like i was behind and i won some big pots back, so it ended up being not so bad for me. Poker seems easier for me these days. Also, I didn't go on tilt or get upset about any of the bad things. I just put my head down and kept grinding out small pots and looking for situations to take pots away. Tonite I'm off work again and of course, Full Tilt is down. Mother F-ers. Full tilt loses alot of business because of that shit, i bet. They'd probably be as big as Stars if they didn't have so many connection issues. Unfortunately i have no money anywhere else so i can't play anything. Really annoying. I have 6000 hands now at 50 NL and I'm running at 26.32 bb/100 hands... pretty sick. Obviously, I'm running pretty damn good. Can't complain.

Unstuck

1700 I hardly knew you hello 1800!!! I went from 1650 to 1850 in about a 4 hand span today... woohoo!

poker is niice

Stuck

Dammit, I've been stuck between 1600-1690 in my bankroll that last 2 days. I almost was at 1700 yesterday and then lost a buy in with AA vs KK (i had AA). Then I'll drop down to 1595-1610 and work it back up to 1650. I can't get to 1700! lol. Oh well. I can't really complain. I am still playing great poker and being stuck between 100$ up or down is not bad. I was killing 50NL for like 30 big bets so this is just leveling me off. I don't know where I am at now, over the last couple thousand hands, I will have to look it up. (Just looked it up and I'm beating it for 24 bb/100 over my last 4600 hands) It doesn't matter really, though I know I am playing great and that is what matters. I always thought it was funny to hear poker players say things like "I am playing the greatest poker of my life right now" or "I am on top of my game." I never really understood what they meant. Now I do though. I definitely notice a difference in my game and my focus right now. I think ultimately it's just been that I've been playing so much poker. My rakeback this month should be 300-400 dollars, that will be so sweet. I long for the days that I will make $800-$1000 a month in rakeback alone. It's pretty amazing how far I've come in just a few months with my bankroll and my poker ability. I'm not trying to brag or anything, I just seriuosly never really believed I'd still have a bankroll at this point.

I actually remember the exact moment that I could've lost it all. I had just gotten a rakeback payment of 114$ (woohoo!) in my FTP account. I had pretty much given up on poker and was looking for a new job. I was in a terrible mindframe and i bought into a 30$ tourney. Of course, i played like shit and lost it and then blamed it all on bad luck and whined about how life was unfair. Then I said, "Fuck poker" and signed into a 75$ tourney that would've cleaned out my account. A few minutes before the tournament started though I (thankfully) had a change of heart and withdrew my fee. I started playing cash games at the 10$ level (nice bankroll management, eh?). I just broke even constantly and I couldn't figure out why. Soon after I found pokerdynasty.net in the same way I presume most people find it. I googled "Free poker Videos." I then discovered the forum. I started this blog and well, as they say, the rest is history. Almost 3 months later I have built my roll up to 1600$ from 80$ and I'm still going strong. All because for a breif moment I found my sanity and withdrew from that tournament. My life would be a lot different then it is now. Unless of course I would've won that tournament then I'd be rolling in the dough. Just kidding.

I feel like I'm just waiting

Lately, I have felt like I have been just waiting for everything. No progress is being made anywhere (except, luckily my poker bankroll).

I'm waiting for my wife to get better
I'm waiting for us to move into a new apartment
I'm waiting for my bankroll to be high enough for some of it to be withdrawn
I'm waiting for my check so I can get some groceries
I'm waiting for people to show up and get their papers so i can leave work
I'm waiting for a light at the end of a tunnel
I'm waiting for things to get better
I'm waiting for something else bad to happen
I'm waiting for something good to happen

I am just waiting. I hate waiting. It's like sitting through a movie that you just want to end. I usually try to enjoy the journey, because I believe it's always about the journey and not the end result, but right now there isn't a whole lot to enjoy. I know, I'm so deep sometimes. lol. I'm bored. lalalalalalalalalalalalalala. im at work waiting....waiting.....waiting..... i still have 30 minutes to an hour....................................... my poker book that i brought is locked in a drawer that isn't supposed to lock................................... lalalalalalalalalala. can i lalalal for an hour? hmmm. lalalalaalalalalalalalallalalalalalalalalalalal. I may take up smoking weed... what do you think? I really don't know how i feel about it. I've always been against it, but it was because of my christianity and well, that really doesn't exist anymore. But, I mean seriously, is it THAT different from getting drunk? I have no problem with getting drunk. Why should i have a problem with smoking weed? I mean i wouldn't do it to "drown out my sorrows." Also, it wouldn't become an every day thing. But I mean like if I'm at a party and someone passes a joint around, why not take a hit? It will feel awkward to do so. But, I think next time the opportunity presents itself, I might do it. I firmly believe the only reason it's illegal is because the government can't regulate it. If they really cared about our health some foods and getting drunk would be illegal too. Cigarettes as well. i hate cigarettes and would NEVER smoke a cigarette but it has nothing to do with the health part of them. I just can't stand the smell, taste, or even the look of them. YUK! lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala. I am working on a secret project. I can't tell anyone though, cuz a) it may not work out and it would be a disapointment and b) in case it does work out, it would be a great surprise. MUHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Ya so if anyone knows how i can make like a couple thousand dollars real quick with very little effort, and it wont land me in prison, feel free to share... email address is jmflamm1@yahoo.com. HOLLA!

6 Week Plan Revisited

I know I never finished this. Honestly, I wonder why I plan anything at all. The plan never seems to work out. I think I only do it because I enjoy planning and crunching numbers. On paper everything seems so perfect and easy. Too bad life doesn't exist only on paper sometimes.

I've decided that I'm not going to take from my bankroll until I absolutely need to. My plan was originally to take 250-350 a week out and use it as a check. But, I would rather keep it online so that when I have a bad day at poker I don't get to worked up about it. If I take out 300$ and then drop 300$ that would be an awful blow to my psyche. I feel like I am playing the best poker of my life right now, but it could easily turn into an ugly downswing just like that. (snaps fingers)

So, until i need to take it out, I'm going to keep building up my roll and hopefully by the time I take some out it wont be such a big setback. We can manage, I think, on my salary alone for now. It's amazing to me how things have changed so quickly. I am jealous of people who hardly ever face adversity in their life. But, then again, I am always in action.

A moment of clarity

I just wrote this long post on Pokerdynasty.net forums, instead of writing it again or copying and pasting I will just give the link.

http://www.pokerdynasty.net/forum/index.php?topic=2686.0

bankroll at 1600

and the base keeps running running and running running and running running and running running...

Another good day of poker

Whoa! 2 good days in a row. It's been awhile. I think i may have to reconsider playing limit. I have had some pretty bad results over the last week. However, I have been doing really well in 50 NL. I'm not fully bankrolled for it, which I don't like. But, I need to start making some better money and 25-30 buy ins is gonna have to work for now. I almost feel like 50 NL is easier than 25 NL. I don't know why but the players dont seem any better. Mo had a post on his blog about that very same thing, so it's not just my opinion. Of course, i could just be running good, I dont know. I've also been playing a lot of poker recently so maybe I'm just getting better. Unless something bad happens in about half an hour I should end the night with a bankroll of over 1500$. First time I've broken the 1500 mark since I started this blog. Certainly an achievement worth mentioning. Good luck me!

I know I've done it a hundred times, but lets crunch some numbers

50 NL, 6bb/100

.50 x 6 = 3.00
100 x 4 = 400
4 x 3 = 12$ an hour

12$ x 30 hours = 360$ a week.

OK... I'm done whining now

Some good things happened yesterday. 1) My internet connection Magicly was fine 2)I won some money at poker 3) Initially, I was told I would have to work on my day off, then last nite, I got a call telling me to stay home (YES!)

Not all is bad all the time at the Flamm household. I know I whine a lot. But, sometimes good things happen. My bankroll is over 1400$ for the first time. I plan on getting a lot of poker in tonite (internet willing). Hopefully, I have a nice moneymaking session.

WTF am I supposed to DO?

OMFG! The last 2 days I have been able to play 0 poker because my motherf%$@n internet connection keeps going out. Every 4 hands I'm getting disconnected. It's impossible to play like that. We keep having issues with our internet every other month. The cable company comes out fixes it, then a month later it's fucked up again. What am I supposed to do? WTF WTF WTF!!!! I am so on LIfe TILT right now. Not to mention today I was woke up at 9 am (3 hours after going to sleep) because our electric went out. Correction, our electric was shut off. I forgot to pay the bill the other day and so they shut it off. So, I had to go out pay the bill then my wife and I went over to her parents house and it didn't get turned back on until 5 pm. There is 1 good thing at least. I called the apartment complex that my brother's live in and asked them what their policy is on allowing people who have filed bankruptcy live there and they told me we would just have a higher deposit, but it was possible to get an apartment. It's not where we wanted to live, but it is a nice place with a pool and rent is reasonable. The neighborhood is much better too, so it's pretty cool. The only downside is that it is the same distance from my current house to my work as it is from there to my work. Hopefully, we will be able to move in there. Utilities will be much cheaper. My brothers have central air and they pay about 80$ a month on Electric, no Gas bill. We currently pay out over 200$ a month on electric, without central air, and 75$ a month on Gas. Rent of course is higher, it will be about 500$ a month, compared to 150$ now. I'd save some money on gas in the car, cuz I wouldn't be using any to go see my brothers. I hope nothing else goes wrong anytime soon.

6 Week Plan

My wife and I have to move out of our current place of residence by September. I don't know if it's supposed to be early september or late september but, we were told September. The reason for this is because neither of us have shown any interest in going to church (my father in law is our pastor and it's his house) or participating in "fellowship." We were actually planning on moving anyways, so it doesn't come as a shock to us. The only problem is that when we were planning on moving before, my wife was able to work and we were making over 2 times as much as we are now. It's about 6 weeks until September so I need to come up with a plan that we have to stick to and we have to hope everything works out with the plan. Here's a list of our problems:

1. Finding an apartment- this may seem easy but my wife and I filed for bankruptcy earlier this year and places aren't exactly thrilled when you mention that. I have no idea how we are going to get around this.

2. We are behind on utilities at our current house. I really don't want to leave our landlord with overdue bills. Ideally, I'd like to be caught up before we leave. However, there is a possibility of us paying them off after we move.

3. I only make enough from my job to pay bills only. No spending money or extra money whatsoever. If something bad happens, we are screwed.

4. Huge increase in Rent. We currently pay a WHOPPING 150$ in rent. We aren't going to be able to find anywhere under 500$ (at least that we'd feel safe in). So, that means it will become even harder to pay bills. Some bills would decrease after we move, so it's not as simple as saying our bills increase by @ 350$. It would be more like 200- 250$ depending upon the area.

I'm sure there are more problems, I just can't think of them right now. Now for some solutions:
1. Extra income from poker. My bankroll is sufficient for 2/4 Limit and on the low end of 50NL. But, a bad streak at either would end that pretty quick. Also, there is never a guarantee that I will make money at poker. I could make nothing but correct decisions for the next 6 weeks and still break even or lose money. That's scary, but that is poker.

2. Sell things. I have been thinking about this for 2 hours and I can't think of a single thing to sell that we own that would be worth anything. Garage sales are out of the question, those just don't work in our neighborhood.

3. Get a 2nd job with guaranteed income. I have about 6 free hours a day and I'm off 2 days a week with 12 free hours in those days. Life would become very tough for me if I got a 2nd job delivering pizzas or something. Pay wouldn't be great with that either. Maybe 10$ an hour, but then with gas it would be less than that. Even so lets say i did it for 20 hours a week that's looking at around 150$ a week. This will be the LAST resort.

Let's look at the possible outcome of playing poker.
This is of course assuming I run normal over the 6 weeks. (which of course, is unpredictable)
I could stand to make about 12$ an hour playing 2/4 (1bb/100 @ 300 hands an hour). 30 hours x 12$ = 360$ an hour. I am fully bankrolled for 2/4 limit full ring at 1300$. When I get up to 1800$ which would take about 45 hours I could move up to 3/6 limit and be fully bankrolled (again assuming I'm a winning player at 3/6). So up there my expected winrate (another assumption) would be 18$ an hour (1bb/100 x 300 hands/hour). So then 30 hours x 18$ = 540$ a week. I'm not going to move up after that, unless i get a supreme boost in confidence so we'll say from weeks 1 to week 3 I make about 720$ then from week 3 to week 6 I make about 1620$. That would give me a total of 2340$. My Bankroll would be over 4000$ (with rakeback). I need roughly 3000$ to get our bills caught up and pay the expected down payment of an apartment so that would leave me with about a 1000$ bankroll (which sucks ass, of course, but what you gonna do?). But at least it would provide me with what I want.

Now problems with the plan:
1. obviously, it's all based on assumptions and good fortune.
2. Finding good 2/4 ring games isn't always easy, but I could switch to 50 NL (once fully bankrolled) and earn close to the same winrate (assuming 6 bb/100 or more).
3. Even after we move we still have the issue of paying our higher bills. Starting back a 1000$ bankroll isn't going to be ideal.

To be continued...

Not too much going on

Life is pretty boring right now. But, I just realized that I haven't made a new post since Monday. I think a new one is called for. I played some live poker early this morning. Anyone who has never had a chance to play live poker (specifally at a casino) then you seriously don't know what you're missing. Live poker is hilarious. People are so dramatic about every little decision. They play the worst possible hands and they play them all very badly. If live poker could ever figure out how to get out like 400 hands an hour, live poker would be a bigger money maker then Online poker, IMO. But, until then, I don't suggest trying to make a living playing live. Cuz it is UBER boring. Especially when you are card dead. Anyways, I ended up 100 bucks after 2 hours of play, so I was plenty happy.

Online poker has been OKAY for me lately. I have been breaking even on most of my sessions or gaining a little bit. I have been playing some 2/4 limit and 50 NL with a few 24$ Turbo sngs thrown in. I also have been playing some small MTTs on my days off. I cashed in one the other day. It was a 24$ buy in and 15k guaranteed. 1200 people signed up for it. I got 82nd, so i doubled my money. It always feels like a waste to play that long and beat out that many people just to end up with 25$ profit though. I have been playing some 45 man and 90 man SNGS but haven't been able to do anything in those. I should probably quit playing MTTs but I keep thinking my time will come for one of those BIG paydays. Still waiting.

I saw Transformers for a 3rd time. I didn't really want to see it again, but I wanted to hang out with my brothers and they both wanted to go see it for a 2nd time, so I went. It's still tight.

My wife isn't any better. Very frustrating.

My Bankroll went over the 1300$ mark today. It's at 1353$. Not bad. I started this blog about 2 1/2 months ago and I have taken a 180$ bankroll and got it up to (counting the 250$ i withdrew last week) 1600$. So, +1420$ in 10 weeks. Never thought I'd be able to do that. I honestly didn't. This blog is probably the ONLY reason I was able to. Accountability is nice. It's also nice to be able to look back and see proof of how far I've come. I've begun rereading some poker books and it has helped me continue to look at my game and how I can improve it. Hopefully, I will continue to improve.

Not much else. Went grocery shopping and took Mo's advice on buying things that are healthier. It's hard for me to spend too much time on losing weight right now. But, it wont hurt to start practicing better eating habits. I also need to start getting some exercise in other than work. This job has actually helped me a lot. I do a lot of up and down lifting and when I first started I felt like I was gonna die every nite because of my back. I was so out of shape I couldn't walk more than 100 feet without back pain. I actually walked through the casino this morning without ANY pain at all. I don't know how long I've been able to do that but today was the first time I noticed. Can't tell you how good that makes me feel.

Month is half way over and I've been sticking to my goals for the month (except on Sunday, I seem to never want to play on sunday).

Sng's suck today

I finally had a bad day of sng play. Out of about 13 sngs I only cashed in like 3. I had some pretty bad beats put on me. Also, I noticed that the sngs were lasting a lot longer than usual. Most of them had 7 or 8 people left in them after 30 minutes of play, which is really unusual. My guess is
because it's monday. Only regulars are playing and not so many fish. It's pretty frustrating playing those kind of sngs so I think i will try to not play sngs on monday's anymore. I didn't play any yesterday. I went and saw Transformers 2x this weekend. It owns.

Insecurities Are So Ugly

Lately I have had a hair trigger with my wife. Any little thing has sent me off on a rant or fit of rage. The more I think about when I do this, the more I realize that it's my own insecurities and lack of self esteem that are the reason for it . I've always had these issues in my life. Being overweight is obviously a main reason for them. It's also a genetic thing and everyone in my family seems to have the same problem. Being overstressed lately has brought them to the forefront and I'm afraid it's causing me to blow everything out of proportion. It's so easy for me to be negative about everything. I remember a few years ago I went on this "couple's weekend" with my wife and some close friends. We were doing these worksheets that were basically testing how positive or negative you were about things and also about how you view life when things aren't going your way. Every single one of my answers were a negative answer and they all showed how poorly I viewed myself. This stems from my parents and sadly, my faith in God. I would view any misfortune as I did something wrong and I was being punished. When I say my faith had an impact on that I'm not saying i was taught that or even ever acknowledged that those were my views. But, that is the way I always felt. I believed everything happened for a reason and if something bad happened then my actions were the reasons. There's a lot of things wrong in that statement. It's easy for me to see that now. I no longer believe that. And because I no longer believe that I have found it much easier to be positive. However, there are still times when my old negative self creeps in and it usually takes me a cooling off period to realize what I'm doing. I guess it could be compared to a poker bankroll. Ups and Downs, but hopefully (if your a winning player) you continue to climb up. Life is a continuous struggle and setbacks are gonna happen. It's important that I remember to always take time and review where I am at psychologically in my life and strive to get better. Lack of self-improvement leads to complacency and complacency leads to a sad life. All of the older people in my family have fallen into that trap and I do not want to end up like them.

4 and done

4 more sngs today = 140$ in profit. 2 1sts, 1 3rd. Also, fulltilt has sent me an email saying that my sngs were negatively effected because of the site going down the other day, therefore they are gonna give me back 80$. So, with that 80$ my bankroll is at 1150$. Woohoo! Rakeback for this month is 214$, get that in about a week. Maybe I should write a book and capitalize on my short term success. hmm.

PLEASE tell me this is real

I am absolutely crushing 24$ turbo sngs on full tilt. Please, Please tell me this is going to last! I know it is IMPOSSIBLE for my ROI to be as high as it has been. But, at this point I'd take an ROI of half of what I am at. That has to be possible right? "What is your ROI, Jason?" Oh, I'm glad you asked. I actually don't know specifically, though. LOL I stopped keeping track, cuz I have been going back and forth between 2 computers and I keep forgetting to take my notebook with me. However, I do know that I've played about 50 now and I've made about 700$. According to those numbers my ROI is around 58%. That's just sick. Seriously, sick. I am making 14$ per SNG. Someone pinch me. The downside to doing so well is that in the back of my mind all I keep thinking is, "it's gonna come crashing at some point." So, I'm actually afraid to play too many. I play 8 sngs make 150$ and I'm done. Sadly, I'd feel like shit if I kept going and ended up losing that profit. I shouldn't think like that, I know. I am reading a book right now that tells me that's a terrible line of thinking. But, I can't help it. That's what I think. I feel like every sng I am in complete control. I really think playing only 4 at time now has allowed me to play my A game on every one of them. I take away so many pots because of weakness by the other players. Other sng players are so weak. I usually notice the good ones right away or I do my 5 free lookups on sharkscope on the ones that I see multitabling. That enables me to play good against those players too. For instance, I know a good sng player doesn't play hardly anything until blinds get higher. So, when the chance comes, I take their blind. I also know that a good sng player will push with a wide range of hands in position when shortstacked. Therefore, my calling range is higher. Don't get me wrong I don't look to play with good sng players. In fact, the thing i love about FTP is that I hardly ever sit at the tables with the same players. damn, i hope this dream never ends.

bankroll is 930$ (would be 1180 if not for withdrawal)

First few Days of July

It's time to pay some bills for the first time without my wife's check. Problem is, I can't pay them. My check was actually short this week due to the new job I have. I have to wait for a new pay period to get the rest of my check. It's never very much fun doing bills when you have to start moving things around and hoping that something doesn't get shut off. Everything always looks better down the line but, it always seems so far away. I actually had to withdraw 250$ from my bankroll to help us out. Luckily, I was able to absolutely own my only 4 sngs today. I got 1st in 3 of them and 2nd in the other. A cool 260$ profit. So, my bankroll was at 1000+$ but after the withdrawal its down to 750$. Sucks that I had to withdraw from that, but I have no other choice. I'm having so much success at these 24$ sngs playing 4 at a time, its amazing. It's like when I first started playing sngs again at the 6.50 level. I had a +30% ROI through 110 of those. A run like that at the 24$ level would be SOOOO sweet. Here are my results so far:

# of Sngs: 32
1st - 4 (if i just had 3 more firsts instead of 2nds I'd have an extra 120$)
2nd - 13 (way too many 2nds.. so annoying)
3rd - 4 (this is a great number)

ITM% - 66
ROI% - 66%

HOLY shit. This doesn't seem right. I keep going over the numbers. I have 508.60$ in profit. That comes out to 15.9$ per sng. 15.9 of 24 equals 66%. I think that's the correct way to determine ROI. wow. Imagine If i had gotten a few more 1sts.

My bankroll should be higher but I lost 5 buy ins at 25NL the other day. I don't know why, but i suck super bad at cash games lately. God, i wish I could keep up this success, lol. But i know... i know... it will come to an end.

July Goals

Okay, I need to come up with some goals that I know I can accomplish. Also, I was reading "the Poker Mindset" by Matthew Hilger and he talks about how unhealthy it can be to set monetary poker goals. Poker isn't supposed to be about making money, it's about making decisions. Over any period of time you could be making the right decisions but losing money. Thinking in terms of the money can lead to altering your good play into bad play to gain some positive short term results. So, when i set goals for now on I will try not to set monetary goals.

Poker Goals:
* Play on average 4 sngs or 400 hands (cash game) a day.
* Find one hand (at least) to post on the Pokerdynasty.net forums to be analyzed each day
* By the end of July be a better poker player than at the beginning of July

Life Goals:
* Survive the month
* Stick to paying bills first, miscellaneous shit later
* Don't be so hard on yourself or your wife


Alright, I'm pretty sure I can meet those goals. Hopefully, by the end of the month I'll feel a little more confident in setting higher goals.

This will be the toughest month I've had in a while financially and emotionally. Should be some good stuff in the blog this month.